There have been moments in this journey that words are so hard to come by. I stare at a blank screen begging the Lord to give me the words that my heart and soul are feeling. Tonight is one of those times. There are two boys that have come into my life that have forever changed me. They have flipped my world upside down, taken everything I thought I knew and blown it out of the water, shown me a version of love that no one could ever explain and given me a title that I wear boldly and proudly… Mom!
Tonight I weep for one of those boys and I rejoice for the other. 112 days… 16 weeks… An entire lifetime… Such a short time yet such a long time when that’s all you’ve been given. There is no way to articulate the depth of emotions running through me as I hold our perfect, healthy, 111 day old, second son in my arms. 111 days. 1 day short of a lifetime. 1 day shy of all the moments Owen lived here with us.
There have been so many milestones for both of our boys that have given us so much joy and provided such beautiful memories. To know that tomorrow Brody lived Owen’s entire life here on earth and his journey is not done fills my heart with an inexplicable fullness. In the same breath knowing that from tomorrow forward every moment Brody experiences will be a first and Owen was robbed of those moments here on earth shatters my soul.
From tomorrow forward we embark on a new world of firsts with our second son. A world that Owen never got to know… His first 113 days on earth, his first Thanksgiving, his first Christmas, his first new years, eating solid foods, etc. We will treasure each of these firsts and celebrate every breath that he takes here with us. We will celebrate with grateful hearts that the Lord has gifted us a healthy son and heard our prayers for 16 weeks plus one day with Brody. We will be forever thankful for the gift of Owen and the gift he continues to give us in Brody. We will never be the same because of these boys and I am so thankful for that. My eyes are open, my heart is full, the world is darker and more beautiful than I have ever known and my soul is content.
I will never stop loving you, Owen and I am so grateful for an adventure of firsts, Brody.
“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:27