Today I am thankful for different perspectives, celebrations and the power to say yes!
Today our baby boy is 6 months old. Today our lil’ man should be eating solid foods and be sitting up by himself. We would have witnessed his first roll over and he would have started communicating with us with that precious baby babble. He was tiny, so he may not have fit into his 6 month clothes but he would have had many he grew out of and was sure to be well on his way to fitting into the extensive closet we have for him. We would be taking holiday photos and getting Christmas cards ready. Most of all we would have been celebrating! Celebrating the milestones, victories… Life.
But time stood still when our courageous lion took his last breath and gained his wings. He would no longer grow out of clothes and be too long for swaddle blanket. He would not go up on a size of diapers. Make the knees of his clothes filthy when he learned how to crawl. Get bumps and bruises when he tried to take his first steps. These milestones will never happen here on earth for our family. We get the memory of 16 weeks and all the milestones that happened in that short time. We get those memories to sustain us and to treasure until we meet with him again.
Sometimes the fact that our time was so short is daunting and carries a weight that is unbearable to hold and other times I have the strength to fight back and feel blessed that we were given 16 long weeks with our son. 112 days to get to know him. 2,688 hours to take in his every feature and savor his scent (even the stinky ones). 161,280 minutes to cherish and to make memories with. How blessed we are. I have met many families since losing Owen that have shared stories of their angel babies that gaind their wings way too soon. It breaks my heart. Many of them lost their baby before ever meeting their tiny warrior because of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. They did not get a minute and I got 161,280. How can I not feel blessed when I think of never getting a minute with my boy? Yes, our dreams were shattered and many of the memories we wanted to create never happened BUT we got to make some and how lucky I feel some days that God blessed us with that!
Today I am going to try not to dwell on the woulda, coulda, shoulda with Owen. Today I am going to celebrate our son’s first half birthday! How special it would have been if he were here! See there I go woulda again! Bear with me… I pictured celebrating our children’s half birthdays! Let’s face it… Some years it’s hard to get through half a year and it is reason enough for me to celebrate! I pictured us having one gift, one cupcake and an entire day for our little one to be his/hers. They could do whatever they wanted within reason of course! It would be a full day of “yes” for them with a tiny celebration at the end of the day. A perfect teaser to get through the 2nd half of the year until celebrating their next birthday! In an effort to fill my heart with joy today we will be celebrating just that way… in pure Alissa fashion! There will be one gift… but I am not sure who will be getting it… Stay tuned for that surprise! There will be cupcakes and pizza and lots of yes! We will tell or selves yes to however we feel led to celebrate, however we feel led to mourn, and however we feel left to…. Just be!
Please help us celebrate Owen today! We know he is dancing away with Jesus as they celebrate the miracles they are performing here on earth and that he is no longer a prisoner to CHDs and childhood cancer!
Just a reminder… Everyday since November 1 I have been posting a photo of our sweet Owen for our LionHeart Owen Grateful Hearts Project. If you would like to follow this journey please visit our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/lionheartowen.
We love you heart family! Thank you for being by our side every step of the way! We can’t wait to tell you all about what LionHeart Owen has in store for the holidays! The big reveal is on Thanksgiving day!