A Word So I Can Say How I Am Feeling

20130918-154026.jpgIt’s been Two Weeks or Fourteen Days or Three Hundred Thirty Six Hours or Twenty Thousand One Hundred Sixty Minutes or One Million Two Hundred Nine Thousand and Six Hundred Seconds since our precious Lion Heart left this earth to be with the King! When you live life a second at a time it feels like eternity. But, when we live life a second at a time we have One Million Two Hundred Nine Thousand and Six Hundred opportunities to see Owen all around us. I have seen him in the most magical places that I would otherwise have missed. Pinwheels in the garden of a destroyed and abandoned home, hearts carved into a second story porch with an address of 505, and the sun in the form of a bright shining O breaking through the trees as it joins me for my morning coffee. He is all around us and we are so thankful to God for allowing us each second to be with him. I yearn for the smell of his hair, the touch of his sweet soft skin and the sound of his voice but find joy and comfort that when this blink of life here on earth is through we have eternity to enjoy each one of those things with him. As my husband says, we are One Million Two Hundred Nine Thousand and Six Hundred Seconds closer to seeing him again!

As I write this, I think of the “cyber vacation” I vowed that I was going on. But let’s face it; I am terrible at going on any type of electronic fasting. While I think it is healthy for everyone to do at some point, I am grieving and I heard when you are grieving you are allowed to do anything you want. Ummm within reason. So, my anything has been to allow myself a short break throughout the day from my cyber fasting to visit with our heart family! I miss you. I miss my son but I miss you too! You have all shared with us every high and every low. You have laughed with us and cried with us. It feels weird not updating you all daily and I miss reading your comments and your joy that comes with each milestone we hit. Life without Owen here on earth is going to be much different. Pictures will be different and our journey will be different. But, I thank you heart family for not giving up on our lil’ family. We have a lot more to offer. Our story has just begun and something tells me that God has some big plans for lil’ our family that we are not going to be able to keep to ourselves.


My brother sent me a song earlier this week that I think is so fitting to describe two weeks without Owen. Please enjoy it! Hope it helps you find a word for what you are feeling too!




5 thoughts on “A Word So I Can Say How I Am Feeling

  1. Your Uncle Bob Murtha (or cousin once removed?) shared your blog with us since our grandson, born Sept. 10, has Tetralogy of Fallot. His surgery on the 17th at CHLA went well. Our condolences to you on the loss of your precious son. It’s amazing how one little short-lived life can have such an impact on so many people. God bless you and may you experience a peace and joy in spite of your pain.

  2. I am feeling so much love and empathy for you and your husband. Thank you so much, for keeping us close. The photos of Owen still bring such joy to me. I can’t explain, nor even understand the impact this wise little man has on me, but it is powerful, and so welcome! I wish I could help you even more- Bobbie Felipe

  3. Jeff and Allisa,
    I can’t help but to think about our precious Owen every day. You are so in tune with our Heavenly Father and the comfort He gives to us by knowing we will have an Eternity with those that we love so much that we can feel it in every cell of our bodies.
    Another source of comfort is that I know Grandpa Dutch was there with open arms and tears of joy. Owen is the first in our family to have the privilege to be with Grandpa. How wonderful that Grandpa has our Lion Heart to begin their eternity as a family in paradise.
    Grandma Betty has loved being able to know Owen through this avenue. Our family here in the Northwest truly believe that you area beautiful author of your details of Owen’s life and your beautiful thoughts and emotions.
    I have had this thought in my mind all day today. I feel that the Spirit wants me to share my thought. We have said since the beginning of your writing that you should write a book about your experiences to share with families who will be facing the same journey with their precious child. My thoughts today were on Owen’s foundation. If you ever chose to write a book, you would be able to put the proceeds in his foundation.
    I would like to do something up here in our community to raise money for it as well. When you are ready, please call me so I can share with you my thoughts about what I would like to do. Our community is a very generous community.
    On behalf of Grandma Betty, Aunt Nancie, and myself: we love you and are thrilled that the two of you were able to find each other on this earth to share your love, and Owen, with the family.
    With prayers and love,

  4. For those of us who have followed your story, we’ve felt a little heartbreak too when Owen passed. It in some way helps when you are able to share with us how you are doing. I know my journey has been different then yours, in no way compares to yours, but when my little boy was diagnosed with Truncus and we experienced a lot of scary stuff, it was helpful for me to share by blogging and posting updates on Facebook. In some weird way, keeping everyone else informed was therapy for me, it made me look at the situation more objectively. I say, do whatever you need to do. If in some way it helps you grieve, than it’s more than appropriate to write. You have to do everything that helps.

    God bless your sweet family. I would love to join the walk on 10/5! I am pregnant and 10/5 is her due date… not sure if I’d actually be able to make it. Little Owen’s story has really touched my heart.

  5. It made me cry but having lost a son to heart disease I can relate. The emotions that you are and will be going thru no words could ever describe. What a wonderful and perfect song! Please know my heart and prayers are with you. Love, Patty

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