As I lay in Owen’s room and reflect upon the last year, I hear my husband in my head telling me to be raw. This journey we are on is not all butterflies and rainbows. However, our strong faith in God allows us to see the butterflies and rainbows everyday in the midst of pain and fear. Daily we meet with specialists that tell us the worst and best case scenarios for our son. We work together in each meeting and ask as many questions as we know, try to understand all that is being thrown at us, then I usually say some awkward sarcastic thing because that’s what I do when I am stressed, everyone laughs, and then they leave our room and go on to the next until they can go home at the end of their work day. All the while we are left with swollen hearts, tear filled eyes and prayers that one day soon we will get to take our precious son and go home too. Being Owen’s parents is not a job that we can clock out of at the end of the day. Saying it is hard would not even begin to cover it. Saying it is worth it would only begin to scratch the surface of how we truly feel.
September 3, 2012 we found out that I was pregnant. We were elated. We got to be parents. I got to raise a tiny human with my best friend. I never could have imagined what God’s definition of parenting looked like in our lives. I thank God everyday that he chose Jeff to be my husband and my partner in this long journey. I am daily in awe of his strength, wisdom and faith. He is selfless and would do anything for Owen and me at the drop of a hat. He is the best role model for our son. My daily highlight is watching Owen smile up at his Daddy and witnessing the bond they have as father and son. My heart overflows with love for him and I have never respected anyone more. With God as our center, we have created a solid foundation and nothing can stand in our way. I am blessed beyond words by the man God has chosen for me to do life with.
As for my #2, Owen, he had a rough day and could use all the prayers that you can send. He did not sleep well and this morning sent himself into a tizzy. He was crying for quite sometime and became tachypnic (breathing too fast) and had severe retractions. They thought about sending him back to CTICU. He was not going in the right direction. The nurse practitioner was incredible and was very quick to order whatever was necessary to help Owen. She ordered additional diuretics, some morphine and ultimately our lil’ lion needed some oxygen support. It took most of the day to calm him down but he eventually recovered and is now sound asleep, hopefully for the whole night. He is receiving 2 liters of oxygen support that we will wean once he is comfortable breathing. They had to stop his feeds again as well because of the work it takes to digest his feeds. We will be meeting with GI tomorrow to schedule Owen’s stomach surgery for sometime next week.
As for my #3 main squeeze, Jaxon. I miss our furry first born so much and hope that he will remember us when we finally return home. We thank Jeff’s parents tremendously for taking care of our boy so we can focus on Owen. Our faith and knowing that someday soon I will be home with all of my boys is what gets us through the day.
Please pray that Owen can get off the additional oxygen support quickly, that we can restart feeds, that his veins do not scar anymore and that the perfect diuretic cocktail can be prescribed. We love you heart family and thank you for being by our side every step of the way.