Lately I do my best thinking in the shower. Prior to pregnancy I would get deep in thought during a great workout or a long run. I would have long thought provoking conversations over a glass or 3 of wine. I would solve all the world’s problems in a scalding bubble bath, but with pregnancy those things have been taken away and I am left with 15 minutes each morning to get a whole lot of thinking in while in the shower.
I have found that my morning thoughts always go to him and the journey that we have taken in the last 8 months. I get lost in the emotions; the highs and lows and the joy and disappointment. I have always been the kind of person that plans everything. I plan meals for the week. I plan vacations and dinner dates. Jeff and I planned when we wanted to start a family and what it would look like once a little one was here. One thing we never planned was to have a son with a rare congenital heart defect. Since his diagnosis, we have clung to planning even more fervently. We have tried to plan and control doctors and the hospital; what the days will be like pre and post surgery, what our plans are for taking him home and on and on.
Each morning when I think of planning the next move my mind goes to a quote by John Lennon “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” The more we plan our life with Owen, the more life gets in the way and takes us on an adventure beyond our wildest imagination. My need to plan and control every detail has been replaced with a peace that all of our planning has put us exactly where we are supposed to be. It is time for us to take a step back and let God’s plan for our family unfold. Jeremiah 29:11 has been our rock “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” My need to control has been replaced with an excitement to see what God has planned for our family. Don’t get me wrong, I am still in full control of my control issues. I am not letting every detail go by the wayside. But, I am allowing God to have control and allowing His plan to be fulfilled.
I am focusing on controlling my attitude. I am staying positive and optimistic for our son. I am charging each day with a renewed attitude of joy and gratitude that in less than 50 days I will be a Mom to an amazing son that God has incredible plans for! Sometimes I feel thank you just isn’t enough for the emotions that we feel. We have such a tremendous support group of family, friends, and now strangers that have become our heart family! Anytime we feel down we think of all of our cheerleaders and all the warrior heart families that have taken this journey before us. Thank you for being there. We ask that you remind us to have a positive attitude and keep strong to fight for our son when the days get dark.
Wishing you all a beautiful Good Friday and reminding everyone that letting go of planning and a little control can show you a beautiful world and give you a precious miracle that you never expected!