Lately I do my best thinking in the shower. Prior to pregnancy I would get deep in thought during a great workout or a long run. I would have long thought provoking conversations over a glass or 3 of wine. I would solve all the world’s problems in a scalding bubble bath, but with pregnancy those things have been taken away and I am left with 15 minutes each morning to get a whole lot of thinking in while in the shower.
I have found that my morning thoughts always go to him and the journey that we have taken in the last 8 months. I get lost in the emotions; the highs and lows and the joy and disappointment. I have always been the kind of person that plans everything. I plan meals for the week. I plan vacations and dinner dates. Jeff and I planned when we wanted to start a family and what it would look like once a little one was here. One thing we never planned was to have a son with a rare congenital heart defect. Since his diagnosis, we have clung to planning even more fervently. We have tried to plan and control doctors and the hospital; what the days will be like pre and post surgery, what our plans are for taking him home and on and on.
Each morning when I think of planning the next move my mind goes to a quote by John Lennon “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” The more we plan our life with Owen, the more life gets in the way and takes us on an adventure beyond our wildest imagination. My need to plan and control every detail has been replaced with a peace that all of our planning has put us exactly where we are supposed to be. It is time for us to take a step back and let God’s plan for our family unfold. Jeremiah 29:11 has been our rock “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” My need to control has been replaced with an excitement to see what God has planned for our family. Don’t get me wrong, I am still in full control of my control issues. I am not letting every detail go by the wayside. But, I am allowing God to have control and allowing His plan to be fulfilled.
I am focusing on controlling my attitude. I am staying positive and optimistic for our son. I am charging each day with a renewed attitude of joy and gratitude that in less than 50 days I will be a Mom to an amazing son that God has incredible plans for! Sometimes I feel thank you just isn’t enough for the emotions that we feel. We have such a tremendous support group of family, friends, and now strangers that have become our heart family! Anytime we feel down we think of all of our cheerleaders and all the warrior heart families that have taken this journey before us. Thank you for being there. We ask that you remind us to have a positive attitude and keep strong to fight for our son when the days get dark.
Wishing you all a beautiful Good Friday and reminding everyone that letting go of planning and a little control can show you a beautiful world and give you a precious miracle that you never expected!
“My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” Mary Stevenson
It has been a while since we updated you on Owen’s Journey, mainly because he is doing really well! As we mentioned in our last email as long as he is on the “inside” he is in the safest place he can be and that has proven to be true. We have gone to several follow up appointments and the doctors will be proceeding with Owen’s original diagnosis of Truncus Arteriosis. Heart conditions are very hard to confirm in the womb and they won’t know the exact diagnosis and type until Owen is born and they can run necessary tests directly on him. The doctors still have some overall concerns that are typical for heart babies that they are keeping a very close eye on. Owen is measuring about 2 ½ weeks behind in growth and is small in weight. He is registering in the 18th percentile. His muscle and skeletal system look great and he is very active! We believe the greatest gifts come in the smallest packages!
We decided to make a big change several weeks ago and will be changing insurance to ensure that Owen has the best surgical team and medical care. We will be switching to a PPO as of April 1st and will need to meet the new Labor and Delivery team, Cardiologist, Perinatologist and Surgeon in Los Angeles. The surgeon that we have chosen is Dr. Starns. He is one of the Top 5 Pediatric heart surgeons in the country and arguably the Top 10 in the world. We feel very blessed that he will be Owen’s surgeon and is taking on his case. Owen will be delivered at Hollywood Presbyterian with the USC Medical Team and his surgery and recovery will be at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles (CHLA). The doctors have been amazing with our short timing and are making the transition incredibly smooth and are already treating us as if we are their patients! Our first appointment with them will be on April 11th. We are sad to be leaving the Kaiser system but feel that we are making the best decision for our son. Our official due date is May 22nd, however they will be inducing labor at 39 weeks and he will hopefully be ready and come into this world naturally.
Owen is already keeping us very busy. Over the next 9 weeks I will have to go in for biweekly appointments with the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist locally in Palm Springs. They will be monitoring Owen’s growth by doing non-stress testing and growth ultrasounds. If he shows any signs of failure to thrive or his growth goes below the 10th percentile they will have to make a decision to deliver him early. We are very excited to meet him but want him on the inside as long as possible! Your prayers are greatly appreciated here!
In other news… Owen’s Dad and Papa have been VERY busy in the nursery! The paint is done, wainscoting is up, crown molding is in the works, crib is built, bedding is washed, and decorations are going up! There are many empty frames ready for photos of Owen in the arms of all of those that already love him! Jaxon goes in the nursery every day to see if his brother is here yet and secretly steal his toys! He is very excited to be a big brother.
Thank you again for all of your support! We feel incredibly grateful for the people in our lives and find great comfort in the community surrounding our little family. Only 9 more weeks till we become a family of FOUR!!!
Joshua 1:9 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”